Sorry. I’m Not Canceling My Neighbor.
I am standing my ground on this one.
Source: chargerv8 via Getty Images (Canva Pro)
The new world demands a purist kind of devotion.
You are with us or against us.
This is not a world of both/and, but is one where either/or reigns supreme.
You are for X or against X.
There is little patience for nuance, further research, dialogue, or uncertainty. “We just need to know where you stand and we need to know now.”
Pick an issue: vaccines, masks, racial justice, critical race theory, sexual ethics, abortion, disputed elections, school choice, censorship, pronouns, climate change, social security/government entitlements, religious belief or lack thereof and their place in the public realm, etc.
Please hear me. Clearly, these are all important issues. All of them may require action or policy of some kind. I am certainly not suggesting that there is some permanent, neutral, moderate, middle ground where we stay to avoid conflict. Dr. King’s Letter from a Birmingham Jail is a great caution against a kind of wishy-washy, spineless inaction.
My concern is the puritanical fanaticism that demands orthodoxy (ie right beliefs/practices) and enacts the ex-communication of the heterodox (heretical beliefs/practices).
The heretic will be branded with a contemporary scarlet letter. They will be canceled.
You will also be expected to enforce the ex-communication of the heretic. Affiliate with a heretic, risk being canceled yourself.
Be careful who you befriend or what you practice
Don’t believe me? Let your friendships or personal practices be known.
Let it publicly be known that you are friends with either a Republican or a Democrat.
Work with either Ds or Rs on any given issue and later support the other side on a different issue.
Attend a rally calling for racial justice or an event that supports the police.
Have a beer with an atheist or attend an evangelical worship service.
Wear a mask or obtain a vaccine booster and publicly voice frustration with inconsistent health information.
Advocate for parental choice in education and simultaneously call for a more equitable system of education for impoverished students.
What I see emerging in the new world is an annoying demand that we do not affiliate with people unless we can find 100% ideological alignment with them.
We must certainly not affiliate or befriend people who hold ignorant beliefs that our group has determined heretical.
I am watching families splinter over this stupidity. I have heard people refuse to attend family reunions because someone would be there who believes X.
Make sure you virtue signal regularly
This cliquish culture has created a nauseating practice of virtue signaling that pressures us to quickly reveal our loyalties.
I have felt the pressure. “Everyone else is stating what they believe on social media or displaying the latest support graphic. What will people think of me if I don’t fall in line?”
On deeper introspection, I realized that what I was pressured to care about was not the actual issue but my own self-image. “What will people think of me?”
I can pretend all I want is that what I love is the truth but what I actually prove is that I love my self-image, what you think of me.
The new world is one that is ruled by fear. You should be very afraid of your friendship or affiliations.
If the puritanical elders discover you, they will put you on blast on social media.
This fear has a stranglehold on our world. I have not written in 2022 because the time has been disorienting on numerous fronts.
I like to write and think on a number of topics but the ways we, or our beliefs, get boxed in or caricatured gets tiring to combat and defend.
I believe it is high time to encourage people to be out front with their beliefs without fear of being canceled.
Fear is encouraging far too many people to be silent on topics where we need dialogue.
Love. Here I stand.
The antidote to fear is love. So, here I stand. Here is my confession:
I have family, friends, neighbors, and co-workers who hold numerous beliefs. Some of these beliefs I agree with, others I disagree with, some I find borderline-repulsive. I am not willing to unfriend or cancel these people for their beliefs or practices.
I believe I have two obligations to these people.
To love my neighbor as myself. Even if I wanted to exclude them from the prospect of being my neighbor, I don’t have that loophole. Jesus also told me to love my enemy. I won’t cancel people. Christians are called to hospitality, charity, generosity, and self-sacrifice. God calls me to love all of my neighbors: gay, straight, Black, white, liberal, conservative, vaxxer, anti-vaxxer.
To speak the truth with love. I am called to pursue the truth, to seek it, defend it, and not fear it. The truth will set us free. Truth without love is harsh. It is possible to weaponize truth to destroy our neighbors. Love of neighbor keeps us from that. It is possible to love the “truth” more than we love people. This kind of love can be a deceptive form of self-love that glories in being “right,” a kind of puffed-up arrogance. Just as I pursue the truth, I should desire that my neighbor know the truth for it will set them free as well.
There is space for telling people they are wrong. Love without truth is sentimentality. There are dangerous beliefs, habits, and practices.
Each of us needs loving confrontation. People should be chastised for spreading willful lies, half-truths, and deception.
We need fierce conversations. We could use a lot more in-person fierce conversations.
I am comfortable sitting with you and hearing, “I completely disagree with you and think your position is short-sighted” or some version of that. I will likely tell you the same on any number of points, hopefully with a measure of humility.
We need dialogue if we are ever going to grow.
We need to allow room and time for research, nuance, and for people to wrestle with the truth. Some beliefs I currently hold took years of formation.
So I’m done with tiptoeing carefully about my affiliations. I have friends of numerous stripes and ideologies and I’m not canceling them.
I will continue to love this crazy diversity of people the best I can as I strive to be a man full of truth, love, and more importantly, grace.
I can only control what I control, but I don’t want to live in a world of fear and avoidance.
Go ahead and cancel me for maintaining these friendships with my neighbors. These are people God has called me to love without exceptions or excuses.
Sorry. I’m not canceling my neighbor.
